Make A Choice|Make A Change
 
Exactly four months and six days ago it was one of those mornings again. No matter how much I inhaled through my nose and exhaled out of my mouth, I felt as if I were suffocating. I focused intensely on planting each foot on each step as I walked up the stairs leading to my artificially lit, dully painted office. I swiped my access key against the door and looked towards the windows.  I suddenly realized why the windows were so very little; almost non-existent...they (every freaking employee) would all jump.

As I sat at my desk, I reigned in my thoughts of running away from the office park as if it had been swarmed by killer bees, I tidied up “my” desk and repeated my Buddhist chant, "om mani padme hum.”  I had no idea what it meant, but it brought me some peace.

While some among me were thankful for a job, others for a paycheck or both, I was relieved that at this point lunch was only 3.5 hours away. What is wrong with me? You need this job I convinced myself. See, I was a victim of two of the most gruesome man-made disasters to hit planet Earth: divorce and the recession.

The difference between me and Miss I Can’t Kiss Enough Butt that resided in the cubicle one over from me was that I was possessed by an insatiable beast. And no matter how broke or let’s say financially challenged I was, the beast inside me hated my job. This beast had resided within the deepest parts of my conscience since before I knew what my conscience was. Today the beast’s appetite was strong. It was repelled by the thundering ticking clock on the wall behind me that was the moderator of my meager fifteen dollars an hour. It was annoyed by the harmonized hacking of fingers pounding against keyboards. It was angry that I had brought it to this place again on a beautiful Tuesday morning. And it was hungry. Hungry for freedom.

Unlike Regan in Blatty’s The Exorcist, there was not enough scripture or holy water in the world that could draw the beast from my soul. My beast was actually not a beast at all; it was what Business Week’s Marshall Goldsmith calls the entrepreneurial spirit.

What was my choice to make a change? I quit my job four days before Christmas. While I will admit that I was partly inspired by my ProAstro horoscope that phropesized that , “If a total lunar eclipse in your career sector just 4 days before Christmas shook things up, then the aftershocks are still likely to be reverberating as you move into the New Year.” In truth, the relentless hunger of the beast could not be sustained by the sumptuous bits of freedom I offered it every day after 5p.m. or the 48 hour freedom feast we so suitably deem the weekend any longer.

 Don’t get it confused; I had moments when I felt that I must have been clinically insane. These moments were most often followed by panic attacks that felt as if my heart had stopped. But now, four months and ten days later I am much happier. And truth be told, I make just a little bit more money than when I was punching the Man’s good ole’ clock; I work just as hard, if not harder. The difference is I decided that I didn’t have to compromise my life or my happiness, for the sake of having a job. I made myself a job; I made a choice, to make a change.

 


Comments

Netta
04/27/2011 10:40

I have a beast too. And it hates my job as well. I'm way too scared to quite my job though. I'm broke as it is. You're very brave. Maybe one day, I can get up from my cube and march out with no worries, but for now I still have the ole' ball and chain. I'll be sure to keep with this!

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Daniel
04/27/2011 10:41

I went through something similiar and started doing freelance photography. If it's your passion and you work hard...the money will company but let happiness be your motivation. Good post.

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Shanae
04/27/2011 10:42

Hey girl, love the site. Good blog about the beast. I'm fighting the beast as we speak. I'm totally not suppose to be reading this while on the clock.

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Eric
04/27/2011 10:51

quite my job...in a recession! I'd have to have the skills of Donald Trump before I ever did such a thing. But I see where you going...the only thing I'm good at is being on time...perfect for a 9-to-5'er.

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04/27/2011 11:16

You are on the right track. I agree with taking risks and believing in yourself. It is the only way anything will materialize in life. Good work.

Thouartgenius / twitter

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Robert
04/27/2011 12:02

I really enjoyed reading this blog and can relate 100%. Many of us feel like we are forced to hold on to what we have, whether we are happy or not, all for the sake of security and stability. I commend u for not becoming another statistic to this way of life and having the courage to follow your heart as well as your passion. Your courage is a direct reflection of your talent and I look forward to reading your future blogs.

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04/27/2011 13:04

Loved the blog. I too have a beast and while I keep the beast at bay, blogs like this fire me up to try just a little harder to break free from this 9 to 5 and do my own thing. I have a great product and if I spent my time promoting and networking, It with a few others can really sustain me.

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Jo Ledet
04/27/2011 16:19

This is witty, inspirational and motivating. It was a good blog and gives others hope that they can step outside the box they we're given and set their own boundaries in life.

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tiffany
04/28/2011 08:30

i really enjoy reading your blog you are so on point with it:) thanks

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Ronnie D
04/28/2011 11:37

Very inspiring!!!

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Zachary
04/28/2011 13:20

alright so I totally dream about leaving my job, excuse me for this, but with two middle fingers waving proudly in the air as I tell the "MAN" screw u!Whew...that felt good. Anyway, I like this blog it was refreshing...killer bees, i love it. what type of work are u into?

I do IT, and want to start my own thing, but the market is saturated and I have a severe case of lack of creativity and innovation. Any suggestions?

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04/28/2011 15:33

@ Zachary: I'm sure everyone knows how you feel. Doing something you don't love every day can be frustrating. My suggestion, sit down a make of list of all your talents within your industry. Research what others are doing out there, compare that against what you have to offer or simply upgrade an idea or product. You don't always have to reinvent the wheel to be successful. you just have to have passion and a determination to succeed. Thank you for posting, good luck and I hope this helps.

@Terri Andrews: You have a unique product. Use every connection you can find and utilize it to your benefit. Keep doing what your doing. Congrats on the swag bag add and thanks for the post.

@ Netta: When your ready you'll cut the ball and chain, even if you have to blow torch that puppy off. Nothing can keep you satisfied when your really ready for change.

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Coco
04/28/2011 23:20

Hooray!!! Girl I was SO THERE after I graduated from Tech last year! I am SO grateful that I'm not required to sit behind a desk for 8 miserable hours a day :) Life is far too beautiful and short and sweet to be wasted in a shitty cubicle!!!

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04/30/2011 06:38

Yes, I do understand the cubicle ordeal perfectly! You have the right mindset. Life really is too short and before you know it, you would have wasted a great deal of time begin there and regretting it forever.

Thanks for sharing,

Lexie Lane
www.voiceboks.com

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05/02/2011 06:19

I totally agree. I thank God for my job. As the bible says, "I am enduring like a good soldier". My time is coming and I encouraging everybody to keep the faith and pursue your passion with your whole heart.

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Daimario Jones
05/03/2011 07:18

Much Success to you cousin! Keep up the good work! I love you!

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randy
05/04/2011 12:31

What a great inspirational blog.I think everyone in the world can relate to this and use it to inspire what they are doing in their life.If i could read one of these every morning before i started my day it might lead me do leave my job and start doing something i love to do! thanks

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05/19/2011 21:27

I am so happy for you! What a great site, love your content and design! It is so much better being free of the Beast!

Following you from VoiceBoks!~Lisa
<a href="http://www.iamallatwitteraboutlife.blogspot.com/">I am all a twitter about life</a>

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lynnett
05/30/2011 08:03

This was perfect, Artesia!

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Good article dude

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01/28/2012 10:04

will return before long

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02/25/2012 19:21

Thank you for info

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Norbert
03/10/2012 06:53

is before long

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03/24/2012 21:01

Great info, thx

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03/30/2012 19:40

will be restored quickly

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04/24/2012 11:59

THX for info

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07/13/2012 15:43

is soon

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